Excerpts
INTRODUCTION
Welcome
home. Just hear these two words and you immediately feel safe and warm.
Trust and confidence flourish. Relationships, grounded in unconditional
love, support and challenge you. Familiarity abounds and comforts. It’s
found in the faces, voices and touches, found in the daily routines.
Truly, it is good to be… admitted.
That’s
right admitted. Home for nearly one and a half million Americans is a
nursing home. The source of their warmth and safety, unconditional love
and familiarity, like always at home, is family. Here, however, family
is compromised of caregivers; Nursing Assistants, Nurses, Doctors,
Social Workers Recreation Leaders, Dieticians, Housekeepers, Maintenance
Workers and Physical, Occupational and Speech Therapists. Together, they
provide over thirteen billion hour of care in this country each year.
And they do so as family.
There
is a story amongst these more than two hundred stories of relationships
rich in love and devotion. Each of you will glean your own as you share
in the experiences of those who care for our elderly and infirm. For
residents, their loved ones and caregivers, past and present, they are
sure to stir fond memories. Future residents and their loved ones can
only be comforted with the knowledge that such kindred souls await their
arrival.
An
emotional journey, the interview process laid bare intimate everyday
exchanges and connections between nursing home residents and their
caregivers. Staff members’ reflections conjured memories of profound joy
and sadness and communicated a deep personal and professional commitment
to those they serve. Their stories are heartwarming and inspiring, each
revealing a willingness to be vulnerable and, in that vulnerability, a
capacity to love seemingly without bounds.
It is
time for me to say thank you and allow their words to touch your hearts
as they have touched mine. There is much peace of mind to be garnered
from their stories. While my words here thank all who contributed to
this book, my hope is the book thanks all who contribute daily to the
well-being of our nursing home residents across this great land. I
consider it a privilege to have been granted such access and a pleasure
to welcome you. For all of us, aging matters.
Dear Staff
Members,
My
request was simple enough. Describe your work through a story which
depicts a resident relationship. Your responses were gentle, powerful,
poignant, hysterical and sometimes painful, however, anything but
simple. Never before has the phrase it’s the journey, not the
destination resonated as now. My lesson is that life itself is the
gift, to be cherished and nurtured unconditionally. There is no age,
ethnicity, disability, financial status, behavior, nothing whatsoever,
which precludes one from your love. What a journey indeed.
Along
the way we connected. This seems a habit of yours. The ease with which
you love is quite moving. I felt your warmth and vulnerability when
speaking of current residents and your pain and sadness when you spoke
of residents past. Welcomed and made comfortable, we laughed hard and
cried harder.
Though
I penned these stories, you authored the story. While my writing is
complete, your work goes on. Daily, the extended family grows as you
continue in dedicated service. On behalf of those you provide care and
their families, thank you. I will miss each of you (I already do).
Love,
Dan
Dear Family
Member,
How
frightened you were the day your loved one was admitted. We remember
your nervous energy, your rapid-fire questions and your tears. Though
there was some comfort in our words, we knew most would come only with
time. Leaving for home that first night was nearly impossible, your
feelings of abandonment almost unbearable. Your trust, now well earned,
was in strangers that day, a depth of vulnerability hard to imagine.
To
serve is an honor and a privilege. The relationships which develop, the
closeness we feel with those we provide care, it is remarkable to see
individuals from such diverse cultures come together as one family, a
family of which you are a member. The work is hard and equally so
important. We are grateful for the opportunity to love your loved one.
It is truly a blessing.
Our
losses are humbling. Together, we miss many who taught us much- about
themselves, about you and about ourselves. It is our hope to share what
has been given to us-life times of memories filled with Loves, Laughs
and Losses. And to say thank you.
Love,
The Staff
from Emeka, Nurse
“For
five years I arrived to work at 3PM to the same daily greeting. ‘What’s
up dude,’ Lorna would ask. To which I’d respond ‘What are we going to do
today?’ And Lorna would answer invariably ‘same old, I’ll be back’ and
away she would walk.
Later
in the evening I would say to her as she wandered by, ‘you said you
were coming back.’ Lorna would stay stoically ‘there’s a lot going on
here,’ meaning she’s busy. My standard reply was to say “I see you
mopping the floor,’ referring to her never-ending wandering. Lorna would
laugh out loud.
She
was always last in and first out of the dining room. One night Lorna
finished dinner, ate everything as always, but remained in the dining
room. When I approached her she said she didn’t feel well. We took her
to her room where we lost her. It was only one month ago and it is still
very, very difficult. I find myself looking for her as I arrive. I miss
her very much.”
from
Glenda, CNA
“We give them a
second life. Barbara made the work easier by making you laugh. I looked
forward to seeing Barbara every day. Here’s typical Barbara. The nurse
told me her son was on the phone from California. I brought Barbara to
the nursing station and positioned her so the phone could reach her
comfortably. I stepped to the side to wait so I could return her to her
room when she finished talking. After hello and some small talk Barbara,
like a lady, excused herself from the conversation and covered the
mouthpiece with her palm. ‘Why the *!$* are you standing there, my son
wants to speak to me privately’ was immediately followed by ‘hi honey,
I’m back.’ I cracked up. And that was Barbara.”
from Perpetual, CNA
“Sharon was with us for five days. I fell in love with her the first day
I saw her. That happens here a lot. Sharon did not let us unpack her
belongings, she was always dressed nice to go outside. One night when I
came to work the staff said Sharon was pacing more and we should keep a
close eye because she’d been saying all shift ‘I’m going home.’ When my
shift arrived, Sharon was telling the ladies from the prior shift ‘if
you come back and don’t see me, I am saying goodbye and take care of
yourself.’
After
pacing a while longer, Sharon put herself to bed, though she remained,
as always, all dressed up. And she never woke up. ‘I’m going home,’
suddenly had a new meaning. Sharon taught me a lot in five days,
especially how we don’t know our future and we should always be there
for one another in the present.”
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